“I’m trying Ringo, I’m trying real hard.”
Like the young modern gentleman in the picture, it’s about change, that most elusive of mthafckers. I’ve for years kept this line told to Ringo about change, from the movie Pulp Fiction, in my head when I try to save money, my bank statements are littered with references to Ringo. But it’s not just financial change that I’m after, like Jules I’ve fairly recently had that moment of clarity and it’s something I’m not willing to just let pass. I’m trying to make use of it, to spur me on, to keep with the denial of pleasures I’ve had often and in abundance, to finally stop.
Now like Jules, I too have my Vince(s), those that wonder why it is that I seek to change. That’s though where the comparisons end, as unlike Jules I’ve made the attempt before and unlike Jules the majority of those who know me see the change as a positive, for which I’m thankful. It’s not an easy thing to walk the path of the righteous man, especially when you’re so used to doing wrong.
So if you don’t see me or hear from me for a while, well it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s because I don’t trust myself to be with you. I’m trying hard and with it, for the short term at least, come sacrifices.
It’s not you it’s me and it’s not just for Christmas.
It will hopefully be the change, the one I’ve resisted for so long, that may prove the most rewarding. I’m already feeling the benefit, be it actual or just psychological, (well who really fckn cares?) I’m just content to keep on trying to enjoy living life as a clean man.
It didn’t take watching Pulp Fiction for me to realise any of this, it just highlighted for me that when the impetus for change arises, it takes a strong man to follow it through. Though I rarely see myself as strong, I’m beginning to realise that I’ve perhaps got more strength than I give myself credit, it’s nice to prove yourself wrong from time to time.