Now I’m not usually an angry guy, sure at times I’m prone to the odd burst of mock outrage and yes I enjoy the rough and tumble lifestyle of the famous and the daily duel with the ‘paps’. But at times I get ‘cheesed’ over fairly minor things, so cheesed that I’m still stewing over ‘what I should’ve said’ or ‘should’ve did’ many days later.
A case in point…
I was at the footy the other week and we mistakenly sat in reserved seating, having sat where a sign had been removed. Now sure it’s no big deal, you get asked to move and you move, no problem. The two young ladies who had the right to the seats where we were though, got chatting after we’d moved on, some one row forward. They were saying how they didn’t feel guilty as they’d paid extra for the seats and that you had to choose your battles.
Okay, firstly, we moved, no grumbling and we apologised and mentioned our error, so I’m assuming they feel we were ‘trying it on’ or looking for sympathy, neither was the case. As for choosing your battles, well that really rankled. Were they implying that we deserved a harsher response or even that we were trying to lay claim to the seats, to dispute the reality of the situation? I really don’t know, but it did not sit well, still doesn’t.
Yet later, after two more cases of being moved on, we found ourselves standing behind these same two ladies, cheering on the same side. We exchanged smiles at times as our team kicked goals and I even joked with them. Yet part of me felt like I should get an apology, like ‘see I’m a nice guy, no need to pick battles or the like’, yes I couldn’t, can’t, seemingly let it go.
Their opinion matters little, I know this, but I care for some reason. At times I’m the nicest guy, at others I’ll split in your face such is my level of anger. Well it isn’t, I don’t really know what it is, if anything it’s the seeming injustice of the rebuke, I think that’s really what it’s all about, injustice. I get angry when people treat others unfairly, especially me. I’m thinking it stems from some childhood incident, probably just the usual stuff that occurs when sibling rivalry is involved, but still it’s something I’m not proud of and wonder how to handle it better.
I think I need to chill more, less rush and more smiles. I’m practicing mindfulness more, I’m hoping it will eventually assist in allowing me to stop worrying about others opinions, including my own judgemental attitudes towards myself and just let some of this stuff go.
As Arnie said ‘relax you’ll live longer’.