For sho

As I age I wonder more about where I’ll end up. It’s a nice change of thought for me as I’d rarely look to the future in times past. The reason why is obvious to me, though perhaps less so to you, it’s due to my thoughts being so entwined with the idea of taking my own life. It’s odd as I begun this I thought ‘write something funny’, I’m guessing this must be the point of the pivot, in some ways it is, though not in the sense of this written piece, but in the story of my life. I finally feel free from the plague of suicidal thoughts, it’s not been long so I don’t really know what the difference in my life will be, apart from thoughts of the future.


So, I’ve now got all this brain power free, I can explore new projects, new ways to improve my days rather than to end them.


Strange weather lately huh?


Yep, I’m bored already. I think, I know, that our thoughts define our reality, so in some ways my devil may care attitude might change as well, I’ll be more concerned about dying as I want to live! Even just writing it seems hollow, ‘yay, he wants to live, give the man a cigar’. Thoughts of being a boring old man now flood my mind, but they end quickly, I’m a boring middle aged man, just one with a slightly interesting back story.


Yes, I can see myself using this to woo the ladies, ‘I said to myself babe, you’ll love this one, it’s either kill myself now or be unhappy forever (pauses for dramatic effect) yeah babe they were some pretty dark days’. The thought of online dating is now something that makes me more prone to dark thoughts as well, is this the only option I have left is it? Sell myself like a chop in the butcher’s window, a bit of parsley behind the ear and I’ll be in the next single mum’s shopping bag wrapped in paper ready for the kitchen table. Okay I was slightly aroused at the prospect of sex on the kitchen table, but that’s not the point, it’s the selling of myself, like meat at a butcher’s shop that worries me.


I guess that’s good in a way though if I think about it, I mean it’s all externals, you can’t know what’s going on inside. What goes on inside a chop? Okay this analogy has fallen apart, what I’m worried about is really that I’ve got to rely on my selling skills. I’ve got to hide the bruises and the fatty edges (gooo chop!) and focus upon what? Can climax when dick is soft? Has a leaky bladder like a piss stained wino? Has been known to shit himself? Frequently vomits when drinks too much as lacks self control? Is obese yet refuses to reduce butter intake? Won’t ask for help when struggling with his depression? Owns no car or real estate and 10 year old son has more savings in the bank?


No, instead this is where my friends interrupt and tell me all the good stuff!


Oh, yes that’s right we’re the friends who choose to withhold feedback from each other, except when asked directly. Ouch!


You like that one?


Yes we’ve all gotten a bit slack at the patting each other on the back thing, but hey some of us are more useless at this than others, so as long as you aren’t bottom of the list it’s not so bad huh? You lousy cnts you. Okay I’m now worried that someone is thinking ‘is he talking about me?’


You know I’m reluctant to post this, as it will offend someone I’m sure ‘that fat cnt never rings me’ or ‘it would be nice if he let someone else talk about their shit for a change’.


Yes, it’s always simpler to look at others than to look at ourselves. I’m not the model, I’m just the medium for making you think about the idea. You may not even care, hey it’s all individual choice, we do what we think is right. I don’t doubt that all of us care about each other, I’m just saying being more vocal is not such a bad thing either.

Actually I’m not really saying anything, as to be honest, it’s not so much an issue for me anyway. I post for the fans!

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3 Responses to For sho

  1. Marcus says:

    Self deprecation is far funnier than fluffy warm positive affirmation. Can climax when dick is soft is far, far funnier than, is good at riding a bike. Has been known to shit himself is far funnier than has a great short game in golf. And, of course, 10 year old has more savings is way funnier than is an awesome cook with a wonderful knowledge of spices.
    I think you need to channel your new found mind liberation into your next step forward. Absolutely, get onto some online dating that’ll give you more to think about than what a pack of weiners your mates are. It might also give you a chance to work on climaxing at various stages of penal arousal. Be the chop that you are. Have faith in yourself that you have much to offer. As Spinal Tap say the bigger the cushion the sweeter the mushin! Rock on brother, see you in a couple of weeks.

  2. Professor Cockington says:

    Thanks bruv. And here I was thinking that nobody cared? he he, no as I mentioned I didn’t believe that was the case, though certainly in times past I was less certain of this point. I am more talking about praise for each others creative output, specifically in regards to stuff on the website. It seems that we are so apathetic that we can’t even post comments on each others stuff here, let alone about life in general. I’m equally as to blame at times, I think that as men we just take it for granted that sharing this stuff and posting it requires nothing in return, ‘they’ll still do it regardless of whether I comment or not’. It’s an unhelpful attitude, as it not only discounts the effort of the person who posted it but it also reduces the importance of peer review for growth, as well as for sustaining meaningful relationships. I know none of us desire to be so distant from each other that we allow ourselves to become content with not commenting upon anything of relevance in each others lives, it’s just a reminder that it is not without cost. As I said I aint the model I’m just the cnt making the point…In fact it galls me to write this as I think that it’s not for me to make any of these points to others as though I’m either responsible or that it’s appreciated, as I doubt anybody likes hearing this stuff. I write this with one finger on the delete key, but part of me thinks ‘fck it, it’s neither untrue nor is it controversial’, I’ve had these discussions with more than one of us and I know that we care. So why write it at all? Well why not write it? If it happens then it’s pointless, but until then it remains valid I think. I aint asking for you to agree, I’m just saying ‘hey this is what seems to be happening and I don’t know why’.

  3. Rufus McDoofus says:

    The response to your intial comment, is really what drove me to write what I did. When I read it back now, it doesn’t really come across that way at all, hence why I was surprised at your reply with nice things about me. It reads as me looking for reassurance, I have that now, though I didn’t in times past. The fact that we, as in TZ, communicate with each other, gives me some of the assurance I was lacking. My point is really that we don’t praise each other’s work, the creative output, often enough and that breeds discontent. We owe it to each other to be more vocal in this regard, anything else, as in praise in other areas of life, is also awesome, but I think we know each other to the point of realising that some of this shit ain’t gonna happen overnight.
    As is the style of much of what I post, I find meaning and try and share it, as in this makes sense or works for me, maybe it will to you.

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