Busker in shibuya

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No shoes

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Tommy is still here

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Some darkness for the new light…

I’d meant to do this track earlier, but better late than never. It seems I can’t add any effects to the track without incurring an annoying beeping noise, not sure what going on, but if anyone can assist I’d be much obliged…

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Moron re-release

The new Deaner perhaps?

A slowly wisening man once said “looks to the clouds, not for darkness and rain but for gems in the light”

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Lessons from Pulp Fiction…

“I’m trying Ringo, I’m trying real hard.”

Like the young modern gentleman in the picture, it’s about change, that most elusive of mthafckers. I’ve for years kept this line told to Ringo about change, from the movie Pulp Fiction, in my head when I try to save money, my bank statements are littered with references to Ringo. But it’s not just financial change that I’m after, like Jules I’ve fairly recently had that moment of clarity and it’s something I’m not willing to just let pass. I’m trying to make use of it, to spur me on, to keep with the denial of pleasures I’ve had often and in abundance, to finally stop.

Now like Jules, I too have my Vince(s), those that wonder why it is that I seek to change. That’s though where the comparisons end, as unlike Jules I’ve made the attempt before and unlike Jules the majority of those who know me see the change as a positive, for which I’m thankful. It’s not an easy thing to walk the path of the righteous man, especially when you’re so used to doing wrong.

So if you don’t see me or hear from me for a while, well it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s because I don’t trust myself to be with you. I’m trying hard and with it, for the short term at least, come sacrifices.

It’s not you it’s me and it’s not just for Christmas.

It will hopefully be the change, the one I’ve resisted for so long, that may prove the most rewarding. I’m already feeling the benefit, be it actual or just psychological, (well who really fckn cares?) I’m just content to keep on trying to enjoy living life as a clean man.

It didn’t take watching Pulp Fiction for me to realise any of this, it just highlighted for me that when the impetus for change arises, it takes a strong man to follow it through. Though I rarely see myself as strong, I’m beginning to realise that I’ve perhaps got more strength than I give myself credit, it’s nice to prove yourself wrong from time to time.

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The unflushable turd…

It’s not me that’s being all funny

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A teaser from the new album

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I’m a man with a one track mind

Knowing what you want to do and then doing it, surely a decent plan to success. Except of course if your a junkie, then it’s success measured by your ability to keep repeating your plan. I guess success can be varied innumerably by an individual’s tastes as well, be they junkie or humanitarian, the measure, the plan, the outcome, the effect upon others all vary greatly, yet still share some similarities.

If I was to offer you a constant supply of the finest drugs on earth or world peace, would it matter to you how I intended to deliver such outcomes? I’m imagining that apart from wondering why I was offering you this, that you would be focused upon other more pressing thoughts, such as;

‘Is it just me who can get high or can others join me?’

‘How long does it take to build up a tolerance and how likely am I to overdose?’

Some might instead be wondering how it is that I could bring about world peace, then perhaps wonder at how long it would last. Yes let’s shelve the world peace, seems so unlikely when compared to a room full of drugs, mmmmm lovely drugs.

Is it that we put our own happiness ahead of others? Is it this that may explain why we might be tempted by this chemical Nirvana? Fck knows.

It’s really that the two options are only significant in that they are indeed just that, options. Just like following through with a plan, it’s an option you could do, that you might do, but perhaps it’s not as likely to lead to such a heady outcome. So much of life seems to be about these choices. Do I do x instead of y? Do I do them together, side by side in an orgy of algebraic lusting and thrusting?

We delude ourselves in to thinking that we have no choice, surely we are moulded and shaped by our laws, values and culture? One person’s plan counts for little when stacked against the state, so we are instead choosing predetermined options, a fixed set of variables. I don’t believe that, but I do believe it’s an influence, how could it not be?

But that’s not my point. Whether we choose x or y is neither irrelevant or immaterial or pointless. The few real freedoms we have are our ability to choose and our willingness to follow plans through.

I choose TZ.

I have no real plan, but I do know that I am committed and though I may have produced little physical results of late in regards to following through on my choice, I know that I am headed down a path that is right for me. It’s not always about results, it can also be about making the right choices and sharing the journey.

 

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I’m A Tree

Enough said…

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