For our sweetest of Gorgons’

I don’t really know what a ditty is, but I thought this might be what you were asking for Marcus. Sure it’s not the sweetest of tales, but it’s topical, which may mean something to someone in our vast supporter base…

I see your hand but I will not grab it…

I was just trying to be free

(Sung in the style of when I was seventeen…)

When I was in grade 3, I was raped by a priest
He was a beast and he licked my bum
It was not fun, now I’ll never be free

When I was in grade 4, I started to sell weed
I got high on my supply as I was in such pain
Now it’ll always rain, as my life is so grey

When I was in grade 5, I tried to take my life
I’d tired of buggery and drugs, I wasn’t getting hugs
It seemed no one was there, so why should I care?

Now I am aged 40, I have my brothers in TZ
We like to have lots of fun, no one pokes my bum
I still smoke green, some mistakes are hard to clean

I now have a kid of my own, but I feel so alone
A life spent without someone, well it aint much fun
I have a bike not a car, so I don’t get all that far

Now I’m cutting my wrists, with a knife that is sharp
It doesn’t hurt much I don’t feel anymore
Now I’ve closed life’s door, that’s it for ever more

I was just trying to be free——————————–

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TZ Family Camping

The first annual TZ camping trip was held in mid January and proved to be a raging success. TZ members had the chance to unwind with their recognised and accepted offspring (no bastards were welcome on this trip). The trip also gave hard core TZ fans a chance to spend a leisure 2 days with their favourite band members (no fans turned up). All in all a fantastic time was had by all (even Marcus’ wife).

Prof and an excited young fan after his hunting workshop.

Offspring off Sweet Georgia May Trabanski , Maestro Dave and Marcus.

Maestro Dave and an adoring fan.

Maestro and one of several conquests.

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Moron

Hey guys, have you ever felt like a moron? I have. I’ve come out of retirement to talk about it.

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Blasting the sheets: words on paper…

I was looking through the lyrics in the cloud for something related to the stigma of mental illness. I realise I’ve not written on it, which ain’t an issue, though it’s something I’ve dealt with often enough. Instead I found this rap I wrote a while back. It has some good lines, one day I’ll manage to record it, one day…

YOU’RE NO BETTER THAN ME

Spoken
Hey man nice house. How much that set you back?
Yeah nice man, nice. Is that a new car? Yeah, I thought so.
Me? Yeah still walking man, still walking.
What’s that? Yeah you’re right there, fake it till you make it.
Yeah fake it till you make it!
Yeah I’ll fake it mthafcker! How bout fakin this!

Sooo! You’ve got a flash house , whilst mines a shack filled with the shit of a mouse
You’ve got a car that’s real shiney and the bitches say ‘Cor blimey!’
Well that’s great good for you, your dreams have come true
But for me it’s all the same, with a life filled with pain

Spoken
But you know what

Chorus
I’ll never lose coz I’ll never bet
I’ve been built to succeed but never passed a test
QC#7 say’s I’m like the rest
It’s not for you to see but for me to finally believe
That you’re no better than me!

Yeah you’re no better than me, though sure my body is ravaged by STD
But I’ve got nothing and that means I’m still willing to lose
I’m doing all the drugs and drinkin all the booze
I’m drivin drunk shootin all the cnts, trying to fck all the bitches even saggy arsed runts
So sure you’ve got the flowers, you’re hangin with Austin Powers,

Spoken
But you’re no better than me this sad sight lasts for hours!

I’m nothing but not persistent, on this I’m most insistent
So no point with your alarms and charms, to that shit I’m resistant
You can’t deny the potential in me, though I mightn’t have the wealth
But it’s damn plain to see that you’re no better than me!

repeat chorus

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The lack of method

As frequently occurs to me, I’m dealing with this constant sense of being frustrated. With others sometimes, but mainly myself, always with myself. I guess the thing with mood disorders, like bipolar, is that I’m often down for reasons I can’t fully grasp, as in they don’t make logical sense, yet they are indeed very real, to me. Then I have days like today, where I feel good, I get stuff done, I feel hopeful for the future.

The problem is that this change in mood isn’t something I’ve consciously done anything to alter. I feel depressed one day, well most of the time, then I feel good and I wonder why it is that I’d struggled the previous day. It’s the disorder, it’s how it operates. But that gives it more power than it deserves, I’m still able, apparently, to influence, to control (to a degree) how it is I choose to deal with life on a day by day basis, but it so easily goes pear shaped for me.

I put on a mask (is it though?) of being strong and in control, but quite often I feel helpless, alone, afraid and I’m occupied with thoughts of failure and low-self worth. This then leads to thoughts of suicide, which really fcks with me as I don’t want to take my life. I’m always tired, I’m always looking for escape, I’m always holding on for the next day to come to make things better.

The fact that I’m still unable to find a method to deal with it all, is what torments me the most. Well it’s that I can’t even implement what I know will work is what concerns me. It’s almost like I’m waiting for something, not that I have anything in mind (apart from somehow being rich and having some beautiful woman by my side) but as I’m waiting and unable to achieve the things I want or much at all it seems, life simply marches on. The fear I have is not that I won’t be able to have the productive life I want, it’s that knowing the method to achieve this, I’ll be unable to bring myself to put it all in place.

I won’t die trying or even die wondering, what I fear most is that I’ll die not ever having the strength to have tried. I live feeling misunderstood and by writing these posts, I guess in many ways, I’m trying to explain to myself as much as anybody else how it is that I live.

I know I’ll get there, I just hope it’s sooner rather than later.

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Midnight requiem

Dearest Weary World Watcher,

As the witching hour approaches I’m somewhat struck by the symbolism, the conjuring of images in the mind as it were, super moon for super times? Well who knows on that score, not wanting to get political here as regardless of one’s vote or opinion, the world still turns and the poor still eat their shit sandwiches.

I think if anything it’s these truths that we can take solace from, sure our leaders might not be perfect, but what harm can they do at this stage of our existence? We are passed the tipping point in regards to CO2 in our atmosphere, so it’s going to stay warm for some time still. We buy much from China, so a debt is likely to remain as is the requirement of our natural resources. We therefore have some level of certainty, that plastic fans from China will always be top sellers.

I think asking for any more certainty is just being greedy and runs counter to my understanding of how life works. This being that although personal change is difficult it is necessary, as life constantly evolves beyond what we imagine.

So sit back and drink that extra beer, smoke that extra bong and drop that extra pill, as life will keep on changing whether you’re ready for it or not.

Wishing you the sweetest of dreams amidst these pastels and creams,

Professor Cockington

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Being real…

A Wednesday ramble live from the caravan…

I’m quickly getting tired of the inability of people to be real, or honest to themselves. It may partly be a response to my own difficulties in owning up when things are going badly, but fck I’ve never said I’m not a hypocrite. What I’m saying is why hide behind bullshit pretence? People are so contradictory it really is amazing when someone calls you on something minor and you think ‘hang on you’re worse than me, have a look at your own actions before trying to hang shit on me’. But didn’t I just say I was a hypocrite? How can you hold others to standards you don’t set yourself?

Great point by me.

Yes, it’s just another of life’s many episodes of greater learning. The injustice, I or even we may feel when being called out on something, is usually a response to that immediate feeling of unfairness, the ‘you’re hardly one to judge’ syndrome. The problem is that when you stop and look at why it evokes such strong feelings you may not like what you find. That being that you are either unfairly judging others yourself in that your actions are hardly perfect or that perhaps even this being called out is more deserved than you care to admit.

Where imperfect beings and rarely are any of us in a position to judge another and perhaps it’s this that we should focus upon. It’s not wise to rush into judgment, take time to reflect upon your own feelings if called out on something by others before responding, rather than adding fire to that feeling of being unjustly treated, when in all honesty it’s probably deserved. That said it’s hard to delay our reactions or responses in this modern world, I’m just glad that with age I’m finding it easier to put my hand up and say ‘fair call, I’m sorry’.

You get me?

Anyway back to the thundering sounds of the wind and rain upon the van roof…

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Fried Chicken

As we count down to the next summit, I release a potential jam song for the night….rock.

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TZ hand signal

image

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The Fire is burning…

All dressed up but no one to blow.

A Biscuit Productions HQ

A Biscuit Productions HQ

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